You are Who You are... Coming to Terms.

[SidheDraoi]

I'm not the most confident person in the world, I have my ups and downs just as everyone else does. But for someone to outright say that muscles on a woman make them look manly and "gross"  straight to a woman (who has muscles)'s face is very discouraging....

Perhaps this person is biased against women with muscles because they feel that men are powerful and the women are supposed to be the vulnerable ones. Or perhaps its a question of their personal views on attraction... 

I will never be a perfect hourglass shape, nor will I ever have a slim build... thats genetics. I am short with broad shoulders and thunder thighs. And will always be such even with my exercise and meal plan. Thats my bone structure, thats my motherly figure. Thats just how it will always be.

I highly believe that some people were made for endurance and speed and some people were made for sheer power. I just so happen to be the latter of the two. That to me explains the different body builds that I see everyday.  I see men who work out the same, do the same routine etc... yet one looks thin and agile and the other powerful and itimidating.  This is why I cannot stand TV ads that claim you will look just like the physically fit person on the ad... because you wont, you will retain your body structure. Its a false ad and very discouraging for many people who dispite all their efforts will never look like the "fitness idols" they see in magazines and on tv. You are who you are so love yourself enough to stay healthy and not let these false images blind you.


Without diversity the world is a boring place. 

[Camptravis]

I think it is mostly personal preference.  Everyone has different standards when it comes to the opposite sex.  You are never going to meet everyones standards of beauty, just because everyones standards are so different and there isn't anything wrong with that.  Just because one guy says he doesn't like a girl with muscles, doesn't mean that you will never be able to find someone who likes you.  I also think people should be honest about what their preferences are and not worry so much about hurting people's feelings.  I agree with this guy. I don't really find muscular women attractive, but that's just my personal preference.  It might have to do with the fact that I'm pretty skinny myself, so it would make sense to be attracted to girls with the same body type or it could be something totally different, i don't know. I have a friend, for example, who is into women with a little meat on their bones and he is somewhat of a bigger guy himself.  Stop worrying about what one guy thinks. You probably have a male body type that you prefer so don't act like it's a crime to have personal preferences.  Don't let it bother you you'll be ok.

[Kate]

What a great reminder that diversity is a good thing!  It's so easy to forget in our culture. 

Muscular, athletic women are gorgeous!  I live in the Rockies, where there are many big, buff men who prefer equally strong and fit women, who could tackle a trail with them and not get tired.  I am of the tall, lanky (read: wimpy) variety myself, although I have an athletic build, such as broad shoulders.  In turn, I used to be attracted to tall, lanky men myself, but as I've gotten more exercise in the past year than I have in years, I've started admiring the more physical Alpha males out there.  I feel like I'm naturally an "alpha female" myself, based on my bone structure and natural temperament, but it's been buried for years.  Now that my muscles are working, I feel connected to that inner power!

Which is why (if I may say so) this guy sounds like a jerk!  There's nothing wrong with personal preference, but it sounds to me like there's an undercurrent of male chauvinism here; to say that a woman looks "gross" because she looks powerful just sounds insecure.  Especially if he said it to your face...that's just weird.  Maybe he is intimidated by powerful females; there are certainly many men who fear intelligent, talented, or otherwise powerful women in all areas.  Or maybe he just fears powerful people, period.

Wow, I'm reading way too much into this. 

[SidheDraoi]

I think it is mostly personal preference.  Everyone has different standards when it comes to the opposite sex.  You are never going to meet everyones standards of beauty, just because everyones standards are so different and there isn't anything wrong with that.  Just because one guy says he doesn't like a girl with muscles, doesn't mean that you will never be able to find someone who likes you.  I also think people should be honest about what their preferences are and not worry so much about hurting people's feelings.  I agree with this guy. I don't really find muscular women attractive, but that's just my personal preference.  It might have to do with the fact that I'm pretty skinny myself, so it would make sense to be attracted to girls with the same body type or it could be something totally different, i don't know. I have a friend, for example, who is into women with a little meat on their bones and he is somewhat of a bigger guy himself.  Stop worrying about what one guy thinks. You probably have a male body type that you prefer so don't act like it's a crime to have personal preferences.  Don't let it bother you you'll be ok.

its not so much that I am appaled by his opinion but upset about the way he put it out there. Random encounter at the gym and seemed to be completly disgusted with me for no reason other than that I was muscular; and he felt the need to tell me his opinion. Never introduced himself, just came right up and said it... seemed like he just wanted to throw his disrespect around. 

[SidheDraoi]

What a great reminder that diversity is a good thing!  It's so easy to forget in our culture. 

Muscular, athletic women are gorgeous!  I live in the Rockies, where there are many big, buff men who prefer equally strong and fit women, who could tackle a trail with them and not get tired.  I am of the tall, lanky (read: wimpy) variety myself, although I have an athletic build, such as broad shoulders.  In turn, I used to be attracted to tall, lanky men myself, but as I've gotten more exercise in the past year than I have in years, I've started admiring the more physical Alpha males out there.  I feel like I'm naturally an "alpha female" myself, based on my bone structure and natural temperament, but it's been buried for years.  Now that my muscles are working, I feel connected to that inner power!

Which is why (if I may say so) this guy sounds like a jerk!  There's nothing wrong with personal preference, but it sounds to me like there's an undercurrent of male chauvinism here; to say that a woman looks "gross" because she looks powerful just sounds insecure.  Especially if he said it to your face...that's just weird.  Maybe he is intimidated by powerful females; there are certainly many men who fear intelligent, talented, or otherwise powerful women in all areas.  Or maybe he just fears powerful people, period.

Wow, I'm reading way too much into this. 

I don't think you are reading into it too deep. There's a possibility that he felt the need to put his opinion out there simply because he had some fear of powerful women. Or perhaps he is just one of those "wants to start a fight" kind of guys... I've met so many of those types of males its insane... I for one am NOT getting myself kicked out of my favorite gym over some creep who feels a need to harass me. I just found his blatant disrespect a bit confusing. what would provoke a person, a RANDOM person to come up to a complete stranger and say something like that? 

human nature is a very interesting thing 


you both brought up something though that struck me as interesting... do people tend to lean more towards body types that are similar to theirs? Is that perhaps one of those programmed instincts that we humans have evolved with over the years? Thats a very interesting topic... 

[Darthash]

I am a short and stocky fella, I know for one, that most females go for guys that are tall and skinney, it's a fact. Though i don't let it worry me to much, i just think people will always be attracted to the physical rather than the personality of the person, I myself do not go for a muscular physic, though i do go for very intelligent females, that are strong in mind. If the girl was physically muscular but had a brain of a scientist and strong willed i would be very attracted to her. On the height factor, i am not into females that are way to tall for me, which puts me at a dissadavantage.

I am not unattractive, nor am i an idiot, I work hard towards my goals, and think that looking after myself is the most important thing. though I have noticed that opposite sex just don't notice me, not that i am currently looking for anything, but since highschool it's been harder and harder to be pick up and really get to know someone.


Ash

P.S. Oh and don't get me wrong, I do think it is very rude of the male to come up to you say what he did, he gives us males a bad name, which annoys me :-S

[SidheDraoi]

I am a short and stocky fella, I know for one, that most females go for guys that are tall and skinney, it's a fact. Though i don't let it worry me to much, i just think people will always be attracted to the physical rather than the personality of the person, I myself do not go for a muscular physic, though i do go for very intelligent females, that are strong in mind. If the girl was physically muscular but had a brain of a scientist and strong willed i would be very attracted to her. On the height factor, i am not into females that are way to tall for me, which puts me at a dissadavantage.

I am not unattractive, nor am i an idiot, I work hard towards my goals, and think that looking after myself is the most important thing. though I have noticed that opposite sex just don't notice me, not that i am currently looking for anything, but since highschool it's been harder and harder to be pick up and really get to know someone.


Ash

I find that my personal idea of what an attractive male is, is short (but not shorter than me haha). Muscular and some what barbarianish in looks. But I always seem to date taller guys that I could literally break in half... no idea why that is. Probably the personality thing... the shorter muscular men that i've met all tend to be very combative in nature and I don't deal well with males who are particularly aggressive towards people. The taller, lankier ones tendd to be a bit softer in nature... Thats just from my experience, I know not all men are sorted as such.

[Darthash]

I am a short and stocky fella, I know for one, that most females go for guys that are tall and skinney, it's a fact. Though i don't let it worry me to much, i just think people will always be attracted to the physical rather than the personality of the person, I myself do not go for a muscular physic, though i do go for very intelligent females, that are strong in mind. If the girl was physically muscular but had a brain of a scientist and strong willed i would be very attracted to her. On the height factor, i am not into females that are way to tall for me, which puts me at a dissadavantage.

I am not unattractive, nor am i an idiot, I work hard towards my goals, and think that looking after myself is the most important thing. though I have noticed that opposite sex just don't notice me, not that i am currently looking for anything, but since highschool it's been harder and harder to be pick up and really get to know someone.


Ash

I find that my personal idea of what an attractive male is, is short (but not shorter than me haha). Muscular and some what barbarianish in looks. But I always seem to date taller guys that I could literally break in half... no idea why that is. Probably the personality thing... the shorter muscular men that i've met all tend to be very combative in nature and I don't deal well with males who are particularly aggressive towards people. The taller, lankier ones tendd to be a bit softer in nature... Thats just from my experience, I know not all men are sorted as such.

Yeah, I am against violence, and tend not to fight, Though If my mates need me, I am always there. I am outspoken and always speak my mind, and I picked up my smartarse personality from my father and brothers.

[Camptravis]

If that is you in your avatar you don't really look muscular at all.  I think the guy might have been teasing you, which might mean he likes you.  Did his tone seem to be serious or was it kind of playful.  Maybe he was just trying to start a conversation.  I just can't understand why a guy would say that to you just to be mean.  Guys, generally, are not like that, especially with women.  You said yourself you are not that confident, so I think you are taking what he said as an attack when he probably didn't mean it that way at all.

[SidheDraoi]

If that is you in your avatar you don't really look muscular at all.  I think the guy might have been teasing you, which might mean he likes you.  Did his tone seem to be serious or was it kind of playful.  Maybe he was just trying to start a conversation.  I just can't understand why a guy would say that to you just to be mean.  Guys, generally, are not like that, especially with women.  You said yourself you are not that confident, so I think you are taking what he said as an attack when he probably didn't mean it that way at all.

my avatar unfortunatly was taken 3 years ago when i was 18 hahaha Its the most updated picture of me that I have.   

[SidheDraoi]

I am a short and stocky fella, I know for one, that most females go for guys that are tall and skinney, it's a fact. Though i don't let it worry me to much, i just think people will always be attracted to the physical rather than the personality of the person, I myself do not go for a muscular physic, though i do go for very intelligent females, that are strong in mind. If the girl was physically muscular but had a brain of a scientist and strong willed i would be very attracted to her. On the height factor, i am not into females that are way to tall for me, which puts me at a dissadavantage.

I am not unattractive, nor am i an idiot, I work hard towards my goals, and think that looking after myself is the most important thing. though I have noticed that opposite sex just don't notice me, not that i am currently looking for anything, but since highschool it's been harder and harder to be pick up and really get to know someone.


Ash

I find that my personal idea of what an attractive male is, is short (but not shorter than me haha). Muscular and some what barbarianish in looks. But I always seem to date taller guys that I could literally break in half... no idea why that is. Probably the personality thing... the shorter muscular men that i've met all tend to be very combative in nature and I don't deal well with males who are particularly aggressive towards people. The taller, lankier ones tendd to be a bit softer in nature... Thats just from my experience, I know not all men are sorted as such.

Yeah, I am against violence, and tend not to fight, Though If my mates need me, I am always there. I am outspoken and always speak my mind, and I picked up my smartarse personality from my father and brothers.

You seem like a good friend to have to back your friends. Oh trust me, my dad acts and looks like Jack Nicholson and I have that weird sense of humor hahaha.

[bcrank]

I'm not the most confident person in the world, I have my ups and downs just as everyone else does. But for someone to outright say that muscles on a woman make them look manly and "gross"  straight to a woman (who has muscles)'s face is very discouraging....

Perhaps this person is biased against women with muscles because they feel that men are powerful and the women are supposed to be the vulnerable ones. Or perhaps its a question of their personal views on attraction... 

I will never be a perfect hourglass shape, nor will I ever have a slim build... thats genetics. I am short with broad shoulders and thunder thighs. And will always be such even with my exercise and meal plan. Thats my bone structure, thats my motherly figure. Thats just how it will always be.

I highly believe that some people were made for endurance and speed and some people were made for sheer power. I just so happen to be the latter of the two. That to me explains the different body builds that I see everyday.  I see men who work out the same, do the same routine etc... yet one looks thin and agile and the other powerful and itimidating.  This is why I cannot stand TV ads that claim you will look just like the physically fit person on the ad... because you wont, you will retain your body structure. Its a false ad and very discouraging for many people who dispite all their efforts will never look like the "fitness idols" they see in magazines and on tv. You are who you are so love yourself enough to stay healthy and not let these false images blind you.


Without diversity the world is a boring place. 

you don't know who i am so i'm sure my opinion won't matter that much but..............i personally love the body type you describe, i've always been attracted to thicker thighed women (and butts lol).........so my point is not all men feel the way that person did........ur sexy sexy  sexy in my eyes

[SidheDraoi]

I like thicked legged women too, I think it makes women look strong and motherly. Which are wonderful qualities!!

Thank you for the flattery   

-Laura

[MrWinchell]

Beauty and sex appeal are both subject to perception. I myself would not find a selfish or arrogant woman attractive even if she had a so callled perfect body. On the other hand if I met a woman that was caring and genuine I would find her uniqueness in body and mind charming and very attractive. Ohhh....Wait I did meet that woman and I married her.    When it is all said and done there is raw empty animal attraction and fullfilling stimulating mental attraction. A healthy woman who is mentally beautiful is incapable of being unattractive. The same cannot be said about a selfish two dimensional mannequin.

[SidheDraoi]

such wise words!

now if only I can explain that to some of my guy friends. I've been greeted with so many conversations with my guy friends regarding their love lives and how unhappy they are but how bombshell hot their girlfriends are; and they always wonder why they feel such emptiness... your words are a perfect example for them! I've noticed a sort of chain with my guy friends and their love intrests... the girls are high maintenance aka: gold diggers and have this odd belief that they are to be handed everything they ask for in life regardless of how much effort they put into it (which isnt much, as i've come to see). Not to mention the girls don't have any quality about them that is similar to my guy friends... Camping is icky! ahh a bug, kill it! yes yes its a tree... how *yawn* interesting, lets go to the mall now. <-- my terrible imitation attempt.

It angers me to see women in such a demeaning, egotistical way... but I see it everyday. why is it that so many women now a days feel that they have the right to fortune and beauty? If only the world were like that movie Shallow Hal... and everyone saw others for their inner beauty/demons rather than their outer apperance. That would make relationships easier no?

i'm just ranting now... speaking so demeaning about my own gender, makes me think that I'm not far from their level.. there i go again... oh boy, let me stop while i'm still ahead. 

[MrWinchell]

There are plenty of men that are just as shallow. Don't even get me started on men who use pictures of themselves flexing with there shirts off as on-line avatars. I am not sure why but it bothers the hell out of me. It just comes across so narcissistic. If there is one thing I hate about my own sex it is our self serving ego centric behavior.

[SidheDraoi]

There are plenty of men that are just as shallow. Don't even get me started on men who use pictures of themselves flexing with there shirts off as on-line avatars. I am not sure why but it bothers the hell out of me. It just comes across so narcissistic. If there is one thing I hate about my own sex it is our self serving ego centric behavior.

Tell me about it...

I'm going to open up and say it.. Today I realized just how disrespectful and narcissistic males can be..

a friend of mine I knew from middle school was at the gym today, I greeted him, hugged him and we have small conversation about what we had been up to and this and that. He asked if I wanted to play a round of pool, so we headed over to the Billiard room at the gym... when we got in there I looked around and saw no sticks, I asked him where they were (seeing as I had never been in that area before) and he said we had to go get them. I turned to leave the room and he grabbed me and tried to force himself on me. I am still in complete shock over it... I pushed him off but he kept coming at me. I told him I was engaged and that I could never go back on my obligation to my fiance and he said the TYPICAL "oh, he wont find out"... at this point I felt very disrespected so i pushed him down and ran to the door and walked back to the weight room and lifted twice as much weight as I had earlier... my adreneline was pumping hard..

I cant get it out of my head and I keep wondering to myself if I should have punched him and screamed for security or if how I handled it was appropriate... all I know is that those types of boys sicken me down to my core. I feel an emense hatred for boys who feel that just because a girl is aknowleging that you exist then that gives you right to force yourself upon her like you are some kind of derranged beast... (I am holding back foul language, but I so want to come right out and spout every harsh word that comes to mind... ) 

[Tony Bondioli]

 
You are the victim of sexual assault.  I urge you to report this to both your gym manager and the police.  If it happens again, I urge you to insert your thumbnail into his eye socket (at the inner canthus/tear duct) and scoop that sucker out like a dollop of ice cream.

Guys like this have no concept of appropriateness or social boundaries, and shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets.

[SidheDraoi]

You are the victim of sexual assault.  I urge you to report this to both your gym manager and the police.  If it happens again, I urge you to insert your thumbnail into his eye socket (at the inner canthus/tear duct) and scoop that sucker out like a dollop of ice cream.

Guys like this have no concept of appropriateness or social boundaries, and shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets.

a few of my friends have told me why I didnt have my knives on me ( I usually keep a few knives on me because I live in a bad area in town) and well, i was in the gym, dont want them poking my sides... but its making me consider it.. I hate thinking such of such violence..

its a shame because every male that has even looked at me today I have wanted to punch square in the nose!

i agree Tony, I already told one of the gym workers about this boys transgressions. He said he would keep an eye out for him and if he showed up at the gym again they would escort him out...

my fiance argues that i'm too passive, and i always said that i'm not passive... this proves that i am passive... and that needs to change.

[MrWinchell]

I would have to agree with Tony on this one. The guy sounds like a sexual predator.
The removal of his eyeballs would definitely open his eyes. (No pun intended)

(MOD EDIT:  That's "Tony" with a "y."    )  

Fixed! 

[Tony Bondioli]

this proves that i am passive... and that needs to change.

What happened today was in no way your fault, but I do hope it was an enlightening experience.  Accept the responsibility you have to yourself (and to any sexual predator's potential future victims), to not allow yourself to be victimized again.

We had a great discussion going about self-defense a couple years ago.  Take special note of the real-world advice offered by the old forum member called Big Khanz:

http://www.cavemanpower.com/forum/self_defence_what_is_the_most_effective_way_to_stop_an_attack-t220.0.html;msg1185#msg1185

(BK, if you're out there, we really miss ya around here!)

[SidheDraoi]

Thank you both for your insight! It has been an enlightening experience for me, and I'm making some definate attitude adjustments so I can be prepared to punch someone square in the nose the next time this happens. I am also going to enroll in a self defense class. Thanks for that link Tony!

[Riverman]

I am brand new to this site and quite frankly am already very intrigued.  The conversation is interesting but I have to admit as an older guy I think some people may have to take a step back and analyze just what they are worried about.  Life is full of hardship, believe me, andworrying about things you cannot control is NOT worth it, been there done that for years.  Worry about what you can control and everyone will admire and love you for who you are.

[SidheDraoi]

I am brand new to this site and quite frankly am already very intrigued.  The conversation is interesting but I have to admit as an older guy I think some people may have to take a step back and analyze just what they are worried about.  Life is full of hardship, believe me, andworrying about things you cannot control is NOT worth it, been there done that for years.  Worry about what you can control and everyone will admire and love you for who you are.

thank you for that, it is very true